Hauskaa Vappua!

On tomorrow and monday we are celebrating Vappu here in Finland. I searched for some information in english about this fun event:

Today in Finland, Walpurgis Night (Vapunaatto) is, along with New Year's Eve, the biggest carnival-style festivity taking place in the streets of Finland's towns and cities. The celebration is typically centered on plentiful use of sparkling wine and other alcoholic beverages. The student traditions are also one of the main characteristics of "Vappu". From the end of the 19th century, "Fin de Siècle", and onwards, this traditional upper class feast has been co-opted by students attending university, already having received their student cap. Many people who have graduated from lukio wear the cap. One tradition is drinking mead, whose alcohol content varies. The festivities also include a picnic on May 1st, which is sometimes prepared in a lavish manner.

The Finnish tradition is also a shadowing of the Soviet Era May Day parade. Starting with the parties of the left, the whole of the Finnish political scene has nominated Vappu as the day to go out on stumps and agitate. This does not only include right-wing parties, but also others like the church have followed suit, marching and making speeches. In Sweden it is only the labour and socialist parties which use May 1 for political activities, while others observe the traditional festivities. The labourers who were active in the 1970's still party on the first of May. They arrange carnivals and the radio plays their old songs that workers liked to listen to. The labour spirit lies most in the capital of Finland, Helsinki.

The First of May is also a day for everything fun and crazy: children and families gather to market places to celebrate often the first day of the spring and the coming summer. There are balloons and joy, people drink their first beers outside, there are clowns and masks and a lot of fun. The first of May includes colourful streamers, funny and silly things and sun. The first of May means the beginning of the spring for many people in Finland.

New York at your screen

Ever since I found this website I've visited it many, many times. Sometimes I feel a little pathetic, missing the city, wanting to be there again.
But something really weird happened tonight while I was watching the cam; I saw a woman who looked just like me, wearing same kind of clothes, having same, blonde hair.
Maybe it was me, just for a second, traveling in time?

Exercising, anyone?

Very often before the rehearsals and actual shows we do some kind of exercise, it's good to sweat a little when you go on stage. Today I was doing the Silly Walk. Here's my mentor and my idol, Monty Python's legendary John Cleese and The Ministry of Silly Walks!

Good Day Sunshine!

It's a little past 9pm and I am sipping my cider, relaxing, trying to calm down after another heavy rehearsal at the theater. It's funny how tired you feel when you go there, almost like "oh no, here again, every damn evening..." and once you're on stage those feelings disappear instantly and you just forget about everything else! I was talking to our director today how I feel about being onstage, it's one of the few places I forget my sorrows and everyday life, for a while I can be someone else. Even if it truly is tiresome, it's so rewarding too. We've got a great play coming on, just a few more rehearsals and a pre-premiere is on saturday!!!
The "pre-premiers" are something between a show and a rehearsal, the actual premiere is in September.

The spring has finally arrived to our north country fair! Yes! The temperature reached a little over 15 today, making some people acting a little funny, some girls were out wearing just skirts and t-shirts, and a sure sign on a spring is when the hobo's return to the park with their bottles....Our little bay, which we kindly call "Paskalahti" "Bay of Shit" lost the ice in just one day! It's still a little windy and the ground is cold, but who cares, it's finally spring!!!

Octopus

They surely knew how to make catchy gigposters in the 60's!!! I just adore this one. For some reason I've always loved all the creatures below the surface...

Quote of The Day

A few wise lines from Bob Dylan:

"Every pleasure's got an edge of pain,
pay for your ticket and don't complain"

Hey You!

Hey you,
out there in the cold
Getting lonely, getting old
Can you feel me?

Hey you,
standing in the aisles
With itchy feet and fading smiles
Can you feel me?

Hey you,
don’t help them to bury the light
Don’t give in without a fight.

Hey you,
out there on your own
Sitting naked by the phone
Would you touch me?

Hey you,
with you ear against the wall
Waiting for someone to call out
Would you touch me?

Hey you,
would you help me to carry the stone?
Open your heart,
I’m coming home.

Hey you,
standing in the road
Always doing what you’re told,
Can you help me?

Hey you,
out there beyond the wall,
Breaking bottles in the hall,
Can you help me?

Hey you,
don’t tell me there’s no hope at all
Together we stand, divided we fall.

- Roger Waters -

Tough Week

Well, it's been a tough week of high fever and nausea. This morning I noticed some nasty looking rash on my face and went to see the doctor, and the diagnosis was parvovirus B19!!! I just had to search for more information as I had never heard of it before! I am now doing a little better though, seems like I'm finally getting better. I hope I don't have to vomit in another 15 years, it's really awful.

We are anxiously waiting for the spring to come, it's late this year. We've still got snow and the temperatures are between -2 and +3. I've had enough of grey skies, feels like years since I saw and felt the sunshine.

Turku-Helsinki

I came home a while ago after visiting friends and family in both Turku and Helsinki. In Turku I was in a bar called Haarikka to enjoy a jazz-jamming night, held every month's last thursday. I liked the athmosphere and was pleased to notice that there were many young people both on stage and audience; not just old jazz farts!
Then, on friday, I took a 2pm train to Helsinki, where my brother has now lived for a couple of years. He lives in Kallio, definitely one of my favorite areas in Helsinki. We did some barhopping and I also met my friends Hanni and Mikko, who lives in Töölö, close to the Helsinki Opera.
Something funny happened while I was going to the trainstation last night, heading back to Turku. We ran to catch the tram and noticed a guy who was running to get it, some other guys kept the tramdoors open and he finally got in, breathing heavily and his thank you, a very finnish way, was "haistakaa vittu", "f**k you". All the people inside had a lot of fun. I guess it tells a little something about our sense of humour...

The visit of an Old Lady

We started rehearsing for a new play yesterday. As soon as the other one was "buried", it was time to start a new one. It is sometimes a little difficult to leave a play behind, as you strangely attach to your role and people you're working with. Sometimes you're in a play so deeply it takes time to get rid of it psychologically. So, a new, totally different kind of a play is always a very good thing, a change to "reborn" again!
So now it's time for Friedrich Durrenmatt's "Der Besuch der alten Dame", "The visit of an Old Lady." I'll write more and tell how the play will find it's course, and will definitely enclose some photos from the beginning to the end.

Here's some more information about the play itself:

"Feeling for humanity, gentlemen, is cut for the purse of an ordinary millionaire; with financial resources like mine you can afford a new world order."

Der Besuch der alten Dame ("The Visit of the Old Lady") premiered in Zurich in 1956, when Durrenmatt was 35. It was such a success that productions sprang up in England and America over the next two years.
Durrenmatt called this story "A Tragic Comedy." More than any other of his plays, this story of an old lady who returns home to wreak an exact and merciless vengeance on her former lover intimately joins comedy and tragedy to support each other in nearly every scene.

The play really has three major characters: the old lady, Claire Zachanassian; her former lover and object of her ruthless justice, Alfred lll; and the people of the town of Gullen, who make up a kind of composite representation of society itself. Through these characters, Durrenmatt is able to give the audience a darkly comic, breathless, and in the end, unanswerable debate about the nature of justice, redemption and community.

Claire is a hodgepodge of patched-together artificial limbs, held together only by her hate. Since her betrayal at the hands of lll and the people of Gullen, she has spent her life in a single-minded vengeance. Her justice is god-like. Across all of Europe, she pursues the two men who lied about her in court like a fury; they are castrated and made her slaves. Durrenmatt compares her to an ancient idol. She is like the statue of Justice - eternal, something out of myth. When the townspeople first refuse her offer of a billion marks for the life of Alfred lll, she says quietly, "I'll wait," and you can imagine her waiting centuries.

Amazingly, we find ourselves cheering her on; as the play begins, she is the only character who speaks the unadorned truth. In The Visit, characters use language to hide their real intentions. As Durrenmatt writes, "Today man lives in a world which he knows less than we assume. He has lost his image and has become a victim of images." In The Visit, he puts the preconceptions that get us through day-to-day life under the microscope.

Although Durrenmatt decried symbolism ("Misunderstandings creep in, because people desperately search the hen yard of my drama for the egg of explanation which I steadfastly refuse to lay."), it is hard not to see the poverty of Europe during the Depression and the slow growth of fascism in-between the lines in The Visit. With the ashes of World War II still in their mouths, the people of Europe in the 1950's faced the growing Cold War and the shadow of the atomic bomb. The question of how a man can hold on to his ideals in the face of grinding poverty was still a strong one.

Durrenmatt wrote about the town of Gullen (meaning "excrement" in Swiss), "It is a community which slowly yields to temptation...yet this yielding must be understandable. The temptation is too great, the poverty is too bitter. (The Visit) is a malicious play, but just for that reason, it must be presented without anger and in the most humane way, with sadness yet with humor, for nothing hurts this comedy that ends tragically than brutal seriousness."

Durrenmatt uses the people of the town to show the weakness of authority, the disorder just beneath the civilization's order. When the people of Gullen begin to buy expensive items on credit, lll panics, and goes for help to his Family, the Government (the Mayor), the Law (the police chief) and the Church (the minister). He is rebuffed at every turn. Even the teacher, representing Intellectualism, sees what is happening but is too weak to fight it.

With no where to turn, lll takes responsibility for his crime. He achieves the serenity and acceptance that Durrenmatt saw as the pinnacle of human heroism. He gains stature in our eyes through this transformation. He can reject the city's offer to commit suicide; the town, too, must be made to face its responsibility. In The Visit, lll is the only character who changes and grows. Claire is sterile in everything but her need for revenge; the people of Gullen do nothing but reveal their true, rotten selves. Only lll has the epiphany of self-knowledge that Durrenmatt prized so highly.

At the end of the play, with lll dead at the town's feet and Claire's check in the Mayor's hand, "order" and "community" are restored, but now the audience knows these ideas are grotesquely false. As Peppard writes, "In the closing scene, the townspeople appear as much slaves as they did at the beginning; if at first they were victims of poverty, they are now the captives of prosperity. Only lll has found freedom, and he has attained it only by a withdrawal from the community into death."

In The Visit, Durrenmatt writes a classical tragedy for the 20th century, a modern answer to ancient questions of honor, loyalty and community.

To see the world with different eyes

Today I was reading my dear friend's blog and commenting her post about the actor Joaquin Phoenix. He has a very distinctive scar on his upper lip. This type of scar is traditionally due to repair of a cleft lip. Cleft lip and palate happen when the sides of upper lip and/or roof of the mouth fail to join during pregnancy. I think his scar is definitely a part of his charisma, something that makes him different of others.

So I decided to keep my eyes open today, looking at people, trying to see them with different eyes this time. In only a few hours I saw perhaps more than I had seen for a long time.
First it was a woman in a wheelchair. Her legs looked weak. I tried to imagine a life, tied in a wheelchair, needing constant help from others. She seemed happy and had probably recently had a haircut, the colour was fantastic and suit her well. I noticed she was wearing a wedding ring and thought what kind of a man she's married to. Do they have children? Are they healthy?

Then I saw a young boy who's other foot was shorter than the other. His hair was too long, hiding his eyes that had a very shy look. He avoided my curious but gentle stare.

On my way home I saw a blind woman with her stick and the dog. She was crossing the street. It almost brought tears in to my eyes, not for pity, but for once again realizing how granted I take my all senses, that I can see, I can hear, I can run. I can listen to the laughter of children, I can see the sunset on a beach.

We live in a world where we measure others by the looks. I've done it many times too, without realizing that the true beauty lies within.

Observations on a sunny day

I was walking on a street yesterday
A car passed me by
I thought I saw someone waving at me
But it was just a happy dog's tail

Museums Online, final

For two summers in a row, in 1989 and 1990 I was in London. I was 16 years old on my first trip, got my first kiss from a man called Angus who was from Dublin, Ireland. His hair was a mess and he wore round sunglasses like John Lennon. We met while I was waiting for the bus in Trafalgar Square to take me to the suburbs, and he asked me to visit National Gallery with him. I saw him on next day at Camden Market, and then he disappeared. Many months later I received a letter from Ireland, the envelope dirty and the handwriting messy, but a note to say that "didn't we have such fun at the stairs of Piccadilly Circus"? Yes we did!

There are other fantastic museums and galleries in London worth visiting, my favorite is the Tate Gallery, where I saw all the Turner's and Warhol's for the first time. It was a very hot July and I got drunk on strong apple cider later that day on Covent Garden.

Those were the days! It's funny how much a human mind can actually remember, even the clothes I was wearing, the food, the pubs, the smell of a city...Once you realize how wonderful it is to travel you can't stop dreaming about the next trip. Right now I am sort of planning to visit my dear friend in Moscow this summer. I don't know for how long I can stay, but would love to visit a museum in there too. I've been in St Petersburg many times and The Hermitage is unbelieavable!

One of my guilty pleasures...

...has always been men in tight jeans playing guitar. Such a cliche, but can't help it. Here I am, trying to create a meaningful, tasty blog while secretly fantasizing of developing a timemachine that would take me back to the end of 60's and to the backstage of a Led Zeppelin show. Maybe I was a groupie in my last life? Who knows? Anyway, here's Robert Plant and Jimmy Page. Irresistible, eh?

Picture Of The Day

I don't know who's piece of art this is, but I love it!

Museums Online part 2

From all the museums of New York, my favorite is definitely the American Museum of Natural History!

I spent hours and hours in there, wondering about the dinosaurs and the native american cultures. The same kind of a museum in London is excellent too, imho a lot better than British Museum, which is, of course, also worth visiting.

From MoMA I bought several posters and, I admit, stole a pencil that were there for people to write down the numbers of the posters. I still got the pen, it's my treasure. I hope the staff ain't reading the blog...

Here's one of my MoMA favorites by Matisse

Museums Online part 1

Back to my "normal" self after swimming in the black sea of my usual selfpity. Sometimes I laugh at myself, which, I guess, it's good after all, not to take oneself too seriously. I know I must be hard on my friends because my changing moods and emotions, one moment I am the most happiest and confident and the next I am sure that everyone hates me, lol...Oh and this anxiety..well, I guess I can sometimes be even happy for it as it surely must be one of the sources of the creativity. I am sure that people who are always "happy" and "pleased" really don't know how to play the blues.

Anyway...as the title suggests, as a museumlover I've been very pleased to find that most of the biggest museums have excellent website for people who can't physically visit them as often as they'd love to.

When I lived in New York I visited them on a weekly basis, and even on a shorter trip I always try to visit at least one museum, even if I know that it takes many times to really see the place, not just run through it. Most of the museums are humongous and it's not worth it trying to see everything on one day, difficult if you kinda have to, but then I guess it's ok just to search for the highlights. Or see them online!!!!

I can still remember it so clearly, my first museum in New York. It was a hot and humid august afternoon and I had already been walking in my Dr Martens for miles, getting blisters. So I stopped by a little shop on Upper East Side to get bandaid and a bottle of Evian as I was heading towards the Guggenheim Museum. Even the building itself is a piece of art, designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.

The museums were actually one of the only reasons for me visiting uptown, except of Central Park and a guy I briefly dated who lived there ;-) (no, not in the park, on Lexington Ave & 81st)

A few blocks down from Guggenheim is the magnificent Metropolitan Museum Of Art. There was this hotdog-carriage in front of the museum and the lady tried to rob me, asking for an obscene amount of money for a hotdog and a soda...But hey, I was already pretty streetwise at the ripe age of 21 so I handled the situation with my Nordic Calmness, lol...the same happened a few months after that incident when my brother was visiting me and we took a cab in front of Macy's, going to see the Dakota House, and the driver tried to fool us...so to his surprise he heard a whining yet polite sentence of newyork-jewish-finnish accent to tell him which way to drive!!

Where was I? Oh, the Met! That's where I first saw Dali's paintings "live". That's where I fell in love with both Klee and Klimt. Once again the museum is huge, takes days to go through, and on my numerous visits I found that my favorite department was actually Musical Instruments (well, I guess it's not a surprise).

Gotta leave for work soon, I'll continue with this one asap!

Brokeback Mountain

Well, it has been two days since I saw the film and it's still haunting me. It was one of those movies that were even better than you thought. I didn't read a lot about it beforehand so I didn't have that much expectations either, just a hint of what it might be.
It was a lovestory. A story of two people in love, how it affected themselves and their surroundings. Watching the movie I "forgot" they were gay, all I saw was two people who loved eachother and families who had to live with it. It made me think how there must be hundreds, thousands of families like that where the other can't fully live a life they'd want to. That must be heartbreaking to all involved.

Here in Finland the attitudes are getting more and more liberal and people are slowly accepting gays. The whole gay-culture is fairly new and mostly in big cities. 20 years ago we still could only dream about they gaybars that now exists in Helsinki. Still the attitude is quite severe among many people, especially among older men who are not very educated; there's no worse insult than calling a man gay here in Finland. Quite ridiculous, eh?

There was very little sex in the movie, it was not the point. This was the first film I saw with Heath Ledger, and I must say he was REALLY convincing as Ennis del Mar. He didn't say much, but you could see his every emotion. I recommend this movie to everyone who likes a good story, beautiful landscapes and soothing music.

Two Photos

Here's two shots taken recently, a wintery view and a picture of Turku Castle.

Sunday

What a wonderful weekend!Can't remember the last time I had enjoyed so many different things, real variety, good company and excellent weather! We've been blessed now with it for days, maybe I already keep repeating myself but now we've got winter at it's best; sunshine and a lot of snow!

So, last night at 8pm me and Päivi went skiing on ice. The local skiing club organizes a "Moonlight Skiing" each year in March, they make a track on ice and have tens of big candles and fires to show the way. The track was a little over 5 kilometers and I enjoyed every centimeters of it!! My thighs are aching a little but the pain gives me pleasure this time...

This morning I went to Turku, first to the Turku Castle to see a wonderful exhibition of C.G.Mannerheim, a very important person in the history of my country. I never realized how much he had travelled, and liked that part of the exhibition most; the photos and souvenirs from those trips he made over 100 years ago. You can read more about Mannerheim in here.

Then I went to visit my dear grandmother who will be 87 years old later this year. I love her very deeply, she has always been "my hero". When the winter war against The Soviet Union started at 1939 my grandmother was 20 years old and living in Karjala (Carelia), she had to leave her home and she and her family had practically nothing when they left, and still she has had a very good life and she has never complained about anything!

Then, a great way to end a good day, I went to the movies to see "Brokeback Mountain". I'll digest that wonderful film for a while and will write my thoughts about it tomorrow.

Hyvää yötä!

poem #3

The Backseat Madonna

Play lady play,
the clouds aint cream
death is not a dream.
Play lady play.

Dim light from the car radio
girl sits on a backseat,
without any expressions, without a smile

How could I tell you
that all the clock's have sold their times?

Poem #2, to be continued

I stand onstage, alone
even the boys of sound and lights are gone
the winds attack me from all the directions

The Flying Dutch roams on every ocean
never finding the peaceful harbour

Please come back! Please!
There's no life after death,
feels like no life before death either,
just glimpses of it, like fast and colourful tv ads

The world of smells

I got home two hours ago and thought it was about time to do some housework. So I loaded the washingmachine, did the dishes (no, don't own a dishwasher, damn!), some dusting and vacuuming, put shattered clothes back to the drawers, recycled newspapers, took out the carbage etc etc. I knew there was a very cold and tempting can of Kopparberg's applecider waiting for me in the fridge when I had my job done. Now I am slowly sipping it while writing today's thoughts.

Everytime I do the dishes I let my mind wonder on something totally different, this time I was thinking about smells, and perfumes in particular!! I am not addicted to make up, admit having clothes I don't wear, but my true obsession is perfume! Yes! Just one look at my bathroom closet reveals that I have 7 different kinds of bottles right now! Seven is my lucky number by the way! There are some bottles waiting for the summer, and then there are some I like to wear now. It has been only a few times that I've liked a certain scent so much I've bought more than one bottle, once it happened with Gucci's Envy and now for a second time with my number one smell ever, Kenzo's Flower! It's just damn delicious and perfect! It's ideal for winter actually, and I prefer to wear it in the evenings. Everytime I'm wearing it I just smell myself infatuated all the time, LOL!

Smells are strongly connected to the memories, suddenly you just travel back in time into a special place or a special person. Some guy wearing same aftershave as an ex from the past brings instant memories, maybe good ones or bad ones...sometimes the memory is too strong.

I think Chanel makes the best aftershaves, Antaeus and especially Egoiste Platinum makes my knees instantly weak. I like guys who smells good, not overly, but when you get close...

Then there are some natural smells that are just irresistible, like a clean, warm skin...maybe even better and sexier than the scent from a bottle. The ocean has a wonderfull smell, fresh bread, tar, some flowers...I'd be deeply sad to loose my sense of smelling.

Starry, cold night

The cold weather continues. Tonight the temperature will go below -20, and tomorrow it'll be sunshine with -18. The full moon is next week, and after that it will hopefully get a little warmer. I'm planning to go skiing on saturday! Yes, well have this happening called "Moonlight Skiing", we'll start at 8pm and ski on ice, where there are fires to show the way, and later we'll have hot drinks and a sauna! Excellent!

I had a rough day at work today, felt a little crappy when I got home. 2 more weeks and I'll have one week off, would LOVE to get some place warm. Most probably I'll just stay home and maybe visit friends and family in Turku and Helsinki. There's one exhibition in Helsinki I'd love to see, in Amos Anderson Art Museum they have fantastic works of Alphonse Mucha. Here's one of his painting called "An Amethyst."

I have a vision....television!

I was thinking that I watch tv like 1 hour a day, so I guess it's not a lot. BUT there are, of course, a few addictive shows I have to see, like 24. I've seen all the seasons, and probably missed just an episode or two. Right now they're showing the 4th season, maybe not the best one but still, again, very well done. I've never been a fan of Kiefer Sutherland but I guess he's ok as Jack Bauer.
On mondays it's Desperate Housewives. I don't know why but I like the show! For some reason I identify myself a little with Susan, and as I was surfing on their webiste even the quiz revealed that I am most like her!!

Lost comes on thursday's but so late I'm not usually up anymore. I've become old and tired as very often I'm in bed by 10pm...lol

In the past there has been tv-shows I can still remember, when I was a kid we used to watch The Muppet Show (my favorite was Animal, the crazy drummer), Happy Days, Hill Street Blues, I can even remember a few glimpses of both Dynasty and Dallas! In the early 80's a few friends of mine got cable so we could see the latest music videos on Sky Channel's Music Box!! Oh the vcr's were always ready, and we also recorded music from radio to tapes...

One of the shows I miss is Six Feet Under. I liked it, strong, good characters and interesting story each time. I was really never into soaps, but surely must admit watching both Beverly Hills and Melroce Place a few times ;-) Oh and of course, the Simpsons!
3rd rock from the sun is sometimes really funny, I like John Lithgow.

Can any of us really imagine life without tv or computers anymore? What if we'd have to spend a month in an deserted island, would we manage?? Maybe we'd start to use our imagination again and make up wonderful stories by ourselves!

Welcome, Pluto!!

Today I received a message I had been anxiously waiting for, a friend of mine had a sweet baby boy! I remember years and years ago, in our late teens, when we were thinking about the names of our future possible babies, and we all laughed so heartily how cool would Pluto be! So when they were expecting they were calling the unborn child Pluto lol...Well I am most certain that won't be the kid's name but I think it's a sweet story anyway.
I just turned 33, and remembered how I once thought that by this age I'd most certainly be a mother. Things just don't always go as planned. For some reason I've never really felt the biological clock ticking, or had any "babyfever" as we say in here. And I know children are a blessing, hoping that maybe one day I'd be blessed. Oh and if it's a boy I like the name Ilmari or Viljami lol...

Just got home and was so happy to notice that for once there was good mail, the March issue of National Geographic and Voi Hyvin, a Finnish magazine of healthstuff spiced with things like dreams, astrology, natural medication, meditation...I guess I'll have to throw my Sudoku's aside for tonight and once again admire the fantastic photos and articles on NG. Their website is also amazing, by the way. I check the "Photo Of The Day" every morning! Enclosed is one of my favorites, the frog.

A Baglady

So I decided I wanted a new bag. It doesn't matter that I have many of them already, I just know that I need a new one. And as I am going through my "brown-period" I need a brown bag! Simple, isn't it?
My favorite in bags, purses and even some clothing has been Marimekko for years. I have three Marimekko bags already, but not the brown one ;-) So I decided to go to a local shop where they sell them. I know the lady who owns the store and she gives me 10% off, lol...So I found what I was looking for. All I now need is the money...or someone to talk some sense in my head! Anyway, here it is, simple Finnish designed Marimekko bag! In the pic it's white, you have to imagine the brown...

Winter specialities

For the past few years bars made of ice have become popular here in Finland. I've once visited one in Kemi in northern Finland, where they have a whole castle made of ice. In Helsinki the bar is one of the most popular attraction. The athmosphere is good, and the drinks will make you feel warmer very soon...An icecold shot of Finlandia will do the trick!

Stamps

When I travel I like to send postcards to my friends, so I often visit local post offices if the stamps can't be bought elsewhere. I know there are probably many people who don't even notice the little piece of paper on the corner of the card or the letter, but I am highly selective when choosing one, trying to think about the person I am sending mail to.
Not all the stamps are beautiful. In fact, many of them are boring! In some countries it's always the damn king or queen or something less exciting, so I can be really confident when I say that here in Finland we have really beautiful stamps! This year the Post of Finland is celebrating the 150th anniversary of the stamp, so all the new stamps are exceptionally beautiful! My favourite is the Faberge's Winter Egg, where they've used real gold and silver. I also like Gallen-Kallela's posters, especially the Bil-Bol one! Here are some pictures, and more can be seen on the website of Finnish Post.

Dreams and Asterix

I had an amazing dream last night! Or it was more like in the morning really. It was one of those dreams where you can physically actually feel everything with all your senses. Very invigorating!

I went into a flowershop, which was filled with beautiful orchids, most of them white and purple. The shop was very clean and had huge windows for the sun to shine in. There was a piano in the middle of it, and two women. The other women was serving me but the other was standing with her back on me all the time, no matter how I turned I only saw her back. I wanted to see her face but couldn't.

I went out with my orchid to my friend's house. It was getting late so I went to bed, a huge one with a blanket of red velvet. Suddenly a cat and a dog appeared, and they both came to sleep with me. I didn't sleep for long, and looked at my watch, it was 1.30 am and I suddenly decided to go for a walk. The dog got up too and made a poop right there on the floor!

I changed my jogging clothes and went out; it was a summer's night and I saw three men with their bicycles. One of the men caught my attention and I instantly felt a huge attraction for him, and they started to follow me and when they caught me they introduced themselves. One of the guys, the one I felt attracted to, was incredibly good looking, dark hair, dark eyes, colour of dark green and brown, and he instantly hugged me, kept me very close and I could feel his warmth, it was comforting and exciting at the same time!

The dreams where I can fly are probably the most meaningful ones. I don't have them often, but everytime I do, the dream is in me for a long time afterwards. One of them has been especially important, as I can still feel it even if it has been years.

I was in a tower, and opened the windows and reached up to the sky. It was a sunny day, and I was flying towards the ocean. In the distance I saw a medieval town with the shining churches and houses, and as I looked down I saw the clear, beautiful, calm water, and all the colourful plants in the sea. I felt incredibly good, and had amazing energy for the whole day.

Another same kind of a dream was when I was swinging, and decided to jump from the swings, up, up high in the air. I saw all the thousands of lakes and the deep green forests, and I went into a lake, clear, warm, and the bottom of the lake wasn't just sand or rocks but it was full of white roses, and I took one and gave it a kiss...

Of course, dreams like this don't come often. Many of the normal, boring ones are just something that happened during the day, for example. When I was having problems with my blonde boss I often dreamed of a white dog biting me. Sometimes the dreams are just crazy, like the one where you find yourself making love to a person you maybe accidentally bumped into earlier that day, or to someone you absolutely have no feelings towards whatsoever. Next time you see that person you can't help smiling and blushing a little. Of course there are sometimes real, fantastic "wet dreams", can't really complain about those, lol ;-)

I was in Paris a month ago and still have a good feeling about it. After my trip I had this sudden urge to write, no wonder that many writers have been living there for inspiration. I studied French in school but can't really say that I could speak it; I know a few phrases and if I read it I can probably quite well guess what's the article about :-) I think that if I had a chance to spend more time in there I'd learn the language in a few months. I'd love to learn it so I could read some books in their original language, all the way from my favorite Anais Nin's diaries to my favorite comics, Asterix! My favorite character is Cacofonix (Trubadurix in Finnish), the misunderstood great artist who is tied up in a tree with his mouth shot in each ending of the stories! In the book Asterix in Helvetia they have this cheese orgy, it's incredible!

Oh well. It's time for some breakfast and coffee. I feel pretty good this morning!

Blondes

I found this incredibly interesting article about blondes:

Cavegirls were first blondes to have fun

The modern gentleman may prefer blondes. But new research has found that it was cavemen who were the first to be lured by flaxen locks.
According to the study, north European women evolved blonde hair and blue eyes at the end of the Ice Age to make them stand out from their rivals at a time of fierce competition for scarce males.

The study argues that blond hair originated in the region because of food shortages 10,000-11,000 years ago. Until then, humans had the dark brown hair and dark eyes that still dominate in the rest of the world. Almost the only sustenance in northern Europe came from roaming herds of mammoths, reindeer, bison and horses. Finding them required long, arduous hunting trips in which numerous males died, leading to a high ratio of surviving women to men.
Lighter hair colours, which started as rare mutations, became popular for breeding and numbers increased dramatically, according to the research, published under the aegis of the University of St Andrews.

“Human hair and eye colour are unusually diverse in northern and eastern Europe (and their) origin over a short span of evolutionary time indicates some kind of selection,” says the study by Peter Frost, a Canadian anthropologist. Frost adds that the high death rate among male hunters “increased the pressures of sexual selection on early European women, one possible outcome being an unusual complex of colour traits.”

Frost’s theory, to be published this week in Evolution and Human Behavior, the academic journal, was supported by Professor John Manning, a specialist in evolutionary psychology at the University of Central Lancashire. “Hair and eye colour tend to be uniform in many parts of the world, but in Europe there is a welter of variants,” he said. “The mate choice explanation now being put forward is, in my mind, close to being correct.”
Frost’s theory is also backed up by a separate scientific analysis of north European genes carried out at three Japanese universities, which has isolated the date of the genetic mutation that resulted in blond hair to about 11,000 years ago.

The hair colour gene MC1R has at least seven variants in Europe and the continent has an unusually wide range of hair and eye shades. In the rest of the world, dark hair and eyes are overwhelmingly dominant.
Just how such variety emerged over such a short period of time in one part of the world has long been a mystery. According to the new research, if the changes had occurred by the usual processes of evolution, they would have taken about 850,000 years. But modern humans, emigrating from Africa, reached Europe only 35,000-40,000 years ago.

Instead, Frost attributes the rapid evolution to how they gathered food. In Africa there was less dependence on animals and women were able to collect fruit for themselves. In Europe, by contrast, food gathering was almost exclusively a male hunter’s preserve. The retreating ice sheets left behind a landscape of fertile soil with plenty of grass and moss for herbivorous animals to eat, but few plants edible for humans. Women therefore took on jobs such as building shelters and making clothes while the men went on hunting trips, where the death rate was high.

The increase in competition for males led to rapid change as women struggled to evolve the most alluring qualities. Frost believes his theory is supported by studies which show blonde hair is an indicator for high oestrogen levels in women.
Jilly Cooper, 69, the author, described how in her blonde youth she had “certainly got more glances. I remember when I went to Majorca when I was 20, my bum was sore from getting pinched”.
However, Jodie Kidd, 27, the blonde model, disagrees with the theory: “I don’t think being blonde makes you more ripe for sexual activity. It’s much more to do with personality than what you look like. Beauty is much deeper than the colour of your hair.”

Film star blondes such as Marilyn Monroe, Brigitte Bardot, Sharon Stone and Scarlett Johansson are held up as ideals of feminine allure. However, the future of the blonde is uncertain.
A study by the World Health Organisation found that natural blonds are likely to be extinct within 200 years because there are too few people carrying the blond gene. According to the WHO study, the last natural blond is likely to be born in Finland during 2202.

Saturday Night Fever in Uusikaupunki

We've had wonderful winter weather for the past few days! Last night when I was walking home the sky was clear with a little piece of the moon and stars, temperature around -15. I love the way the snow sounds under me feet when I walk. I had a good dinner and wonderful conversation with my dear friend Anitta. She works in our town library, and has been my friend now for many years, I helped her with her 50th birthday a few years ago and she's the reason why I managed to get into the cultural committee of the town. She could be my mother, but every time we meet we're both ageless. Such a great, wise friend. Oh and I ate snails yesterday, along with some excellent Australian white wine!

Today my cousin's family visited me, suddenly my apartment was filled with 5 kids from the age 2 to 12! First we went outside by the lake, made a fire and had some sausage, walked on the ice, then came back here and watched Shrek 2. I just love the Puss In Boots ;-)

Tonight will be taken easy, sauna in 45 minutes followed by some wine and a few lines to read. Tomorrow I have to be at the theater by 2, as we have the second last show of "Avoimien Ovien Päivä".

Poem Of The Day

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

Lord Byron

Thoughts for Thursday

I was reading The New York Times online today and noticed an article about female prisoners giving birth. There are approximately 2000 babies born each year for women who are in prison, and many of them have to go through the labour shackled. Yes! Shackled! I just couldn't believe my eyes when I read the article. Only two states, Illinois and California have laws forbidding the cruel practice. Some lady in Arkansas said that because they are convicted felons they can get violent and hurt the hospital staff it's better that they are shackled to the bed...I can't even imagine such a monsterwoman, attacking the midwives and doctors and then escaping the hospital while the baby is on it's way...
This makes me think, once again, about USA. I think I have some kind of a "love-hate"-relationship to the country, I must admit that there are probably more reasons to hate than love. I know it's boring to write about politics but I really dislike their president Bush and his views on death penalty and abortion, for example. It was in the news earlier this week that in South Dakota they made the law even more strict; only if the mother is in real danger can the abortion be done. If you get raped and pregnant it's not a reason to get an abortion! I know it's not an issue to be taken lightly, and I do respect anyone's point of view, I just strongly feel like a woman should be able to make decisions about her life and her body, and use contraceptives if she doesn't want to have children. It's not difficult, and some of them even protects from the STD's.

Oh I wish New York City was in Europe! LOL

Kalevala

Tomorrow we are celebrating Kalevala and the day of Finnish culture. Kalevala is the national epic of Finland, and unique in it's own kind, since it's the only epic where the wars are done with words instead of weapons. Finnish is such a rich language, unfortunately very difficult to learn. I've always loved my language, the rich symbols of it, almost poetic in a way.

The main character of the Kalevala is Väinämöinen, a shamanistic hero with the magical power of songs and music. He is born of the primal Maiden of the Air and contributes to the creation of the world. Many of his travels resemble shamanistic journeys, especially the one where he visits the belly of a ground-giant, Antero Vipunen, to find the words of boat generation. He plays the kantele, a Finnish string instrument that is played like a zither. One of his kanteles is made of the jawbone of a giant pike. His search for a wife is a central element in many stories; he never finds one, though. For example one of the brides, Joukahainen's sister Aino, drowns herself instead of marrying him. He is also part of the group who steals the Sampo, a magical mill, from the people of the north.

Other characters, some of whom have their own chapters, are Seppo Ilmarinen, a heroic artificer-smith (comparable to the Germanic Weyland) who crafted the sky dome, the Sampo and more; Louhi the Hag of the North, a shamanistic matriarch of a people rivaling those of Kalevala who at one stage pulls the sun and the moon from the sky; Väinämöinen's young rival, Joukahainen, who promises his sister Aino to him when he loses a singing contest; vengeful, self-destructive Kullervo who is born as a slave, goes into berserk rage and commits suicide; and handsome but arrogant Lemminkäinen, whose mother has to rescue his corpse from the river of Death which runs through Tuonela, and bring him to life, echoing the myth of Osiris.
Some of the chapters describe ancient creation myths, a long wedding ceremony, and the right words for magical spells of healing and craftsmanship.

Kalevala has been very inspirational to many Finnish artist, such as the composer Jean Sibelius and painter Akseli Gallen-Kallela. Here's Lemminkäinen's mother. Look how stronly symbolic it is, wonderful!!

Battle Of The North

I am not a sports fanatic, but today, like all the other 5 million of us, I am at home, watching The Hockey Match Of The Year, Finland vs Sweden. Will continue as soon as the game's over!

6:10pm

Ok. So we lost. Once again. Competing against Sweden must be something psychological, I don't know. The game started very well, but then again something happened and the Swedes finally won 2-3. But hey, as they say, "hopea ei ole häpeä", silver's no shame, so I guess we should be happy and proud of our boys, getting an olympic silver medal for us hockeycrazy Finns.

I must admit that I didn't watch the olympic games at all, a short glimpse of curling one night, seemed totally symphatetic, by the way, and now today this game. Even if I am not keenly following sports it doesn't mean I don't like it; I like to watch soccer every once in a while and I think figureskating is beautiful, a little like ballet on ice.

Another lazy sunday, just ordered a pizza and will most probably spend rest of the evening reading a book called "A Short History Of Nearly Everything" by Bill Bryson. Science is my guilty pleasure!

P.S. Couldn't resist Conan ;-)

Shoe fetish

Every astrological sign rules a certain part of the body. Aries rules head; many of them suffer from headaches and different kinds of traumas to head. Taurus has the throat, no wonder so many bulls are also excellent singers in spite of chronic pains in the area. Gemini rules the lungs; worst possible sign to quit smoking, allergies and pains in hands (arms) are also common.
Cancer rules the breasts, many women born under this sign have quite large boobs! Also the nipples of men are very sensitive. Leo= the heart and the spine. Virgo rules the stomach, many virgoans I know are worriers who have problems with the tummy. Virgo's can also be picky eaters. Libra is the sign of kidneys and intestines, Scorpio rules the genitalia (that's why the rep of being the most sexual sign of all) Sagittarius the thighs and hips, Capricorn legs (also skin, teeth and joints), Aquarius ankles and the nervous system and finally Pisces, the feet.

That is SO true in my case. I'm famous of wearing two different kinds of socks. Many of my shoes are extremely uncomfortable and in summertime I prefer walking barefoot. Footmassage drives me CRAZY. Really, there's no exaggeration in here. I love it and you can ask me to do anything after that, as I've probably lost the word "no" from my vocabulary after such nirvana.

But as the title already suggests; I have a some kind of a shoe fetish as well. Men with boots, for example. I will never forget the movie "Robin Hood, The Prince Of Thieves, not because Kevin Costner but the boots Alan Rickman is wearing as the evil sheriff of Nottingham. I was drooling all over myself, literally.

I bought myself my first pair of boots a while ago and I instantly fell in love with them. I felt like I was born wearing them, and I could sleep with them ;-) They're brown spanish leather.

Happy Birthday, George!!!!

My favourite member of my favourite group would be celebrating his 63rd birthday, if he still was among us! I got the cd of the Bangladesh Concert from my dear brother for Christmas, and have been listening to it for the whole morning!
I found The Beatles very early, I must have been around 5 years old. My father had the lp's, and he had recorded them on tapes, I can still remember the cassettes, they were red and a brand called "Ferro", me and bro used to listen to them every day, and very soon we were recording our own versions with the piano and the triangle, sometimes beaten very aggressively.

A few years later we recorded some more, not really knowing the words nor the pronounciation, but we had so much fun.

After that we have traditionally gathered together at my mother's house to play and sing, not just The Beatles but a lot of other stuff as well, mostly written in the 60's though. Last time we met we played "House Of The Rising Sun" at least three times and my throat was all sore and dry the next day, but I can't remember the last time I had felt so happy!!

My favorite songs from George are "Savoy Truffle" (he wrote it with his friend Eric Clapton, they were eating chocolates and stole their names straight to the song, the lyrics are fantastic!!), "Old Brown Shoe", "I Me Mine" (at first I thought of naming this blog after that but Sting won), "Here Comes The Sun" and of course, "Something". I like the fact that he was into the eastern mystical stuff and a fellow Pisces. Takes one to know one!!

Theater in Turku

Last night I, once again, realized how obsessively I love theater. I've never been indifferent to it, even as a child I recognized the unique magic you could only feel in a theater, the energy and emotions flowing between the audience and the actors/actresses on stage, the fact that each night is a little different made by the chemistry of some kind.
I've been onstage since I was 9 years old and went to a special kind of a music class, we were 16 kids, selected through tests of singing and rhythm, each of us already playing instruments and singing. I played piano and cello and we had choir rehearsals a few times a week. I have such wonderful memories of all those years, they've strongly affected on the way I see myself today. Through school projects of musicals and plays I realized how much I want to be onstage, it was feeding my narcissistic need to be in the front of an audience, and the kicks you get when you hear the applause is very addictive like any drug. I am sure most of the performers agree on this one. You have the passion and the gift and the possibilities to express yourself but you need the audience to see it, to tell you how good you are and how beautiful you look....In a theater you soon know you are very often dealing with quite self centered people, and no matter how long you've been doing it the stagefright is always there and the fear of rejection, the adrenaline, the fact that when the show's over you come home and can't relax or sleep for hours. I've always been at my weirdest at the premieres, everytime we have a huge party afterwards but I usually leave soon with a headache. All the exitement and concentration just don't wear off that quickly. That's why the "funerals" of the play are much more fun!

So last night we went to Turku, to Linnateatteri to see Akseli Ensemble's play "Ranta", "The Beach" or more likely "The Shore" as I would transalate it. There were many things I really enjoyed, for example Juho Milonoff did a fantastic job, and Laura Malmivaara wasn't too bad either. The story was a combination of a tragicomedy and mystery, the first part was definitely stronger. The guy who had written this play, Paavo Westerberg, has done a lot of work in TV and it showed on stage; there were a few quite unorthodox decisions on stage I wasn't sure did it actually work, but then there was some classical stuff like playing with the chairs and so on.

After the play, nice dinner in Oscarin Olohuone. I really like the restaurant in a nice area of my dear hometown of Turku. Turku is now by the way running for European Capital of Culture 2011. I sincerely wish it'd become true, as no matter what the inhabitants of Helsinki and Tampere are saying, Turku is an unique city with a history...other Finns are just jealous ;-)

More thoughts on the subject...

Suddenly I remembered how John Steinbeck described how the wine works on us in his wonderful novel of Tortilla Flat:

"Spiritually the jugs may be graduated thus:
Just below the shoulder of the first bottle, serious and concentrated conversation.
Two inches farther down, sweetly sad memory.
Three inches more, thoughts of old and satisfactory loves.
An inch, thoughts of bitter loves.
Bottom of the first jug, general and undirected sadness.
Shoulder of the second jug, black, unholy despondency.
Two fingers down a song of death and longing.
A thumb, every other song each one knows.
The graduations stop here, for the trail splits and there is no certainty.
From this point on anything can happen."

I've always loved Steinbeck, his characters are real, you can really feel and see them. Maybe I'll also choose this novel to be discussed, and to be enjoyed with some great wines from California.

Wines and Lines

I had this idea of combining wine and verse. In fact; me and my good friend Päivi have been talking about this book&wine-club, we'll probably get things started next month. We've already found us a place to meet, now we just have to decide who to invite and how often we'll get together. The idea is to taste wines from certain countries/areas and for some inspiration also we'll read something from a writer from the same country. Each of us will decide the theme, wine and book, maybe short stories and poetry will be easier than a novel with 400 pages...Anyway, I have an idea for our first meeting, it'll be Pablo Neruda and red wine from Chile...I've always loved his wonderful and profound "Ode To The Cat"


"The animals were imperfect,
long-tailed,
unfortunate in their heads.
Little by little they
put themselves together,
making themselves a landscape,
acquiring spots, grace, flight.
The cat,
only the cat
appeared complete and proud:
he was born completely finished,
walking alone and knowing what he wanted.


Man wants to be fish or fowl,
the snake would like to have wings
the dog is a disoriented lion,
the engineer would like to be a poet,
the fly studies to be a swift,
the poet tries to imitate the fly,
but the cat only wants to be a cat
and any cat is a cat
from his whiskers to his tail,
from his hopeful vision of a rat
to the real thing,
from the night to his golden eyes.


There is no unity
like him,
the moon and the flower
do not have such context:
he is just one thing
like the sun or the topaz,
and the elastic line of his contours
is firm and subtle like
the line of a ship's prow.
His yellow eyes
have just one
groove
to coin the gold of night time.


Oh little
emperor without a sphere of influence
conqueror without a country,
smallest living-room tiger,
nuptial sultan of the sky,
of the erotic roof-tiles,
the wind of love
in the storm
you claim
when you pass
and place
four delicate feet
on the ground,
smelling,
distrusting
all that is terrestrial,
because everything
is too unclean
for the immaculate foot of the cat.
Oh independent wild beast
of the house
arrogant
vestige of the night,
lazy, gymnastic
and alien,
very deep cat,
secret policeman
of bedrooms,
insignia
of a
disappeared velvet,
surely there is no
enigma
in your manner,
perhaps you are not a mystery,
everyone knows of you
and you belong
to the least mysterious inhabitant,
perhaps everyone believes it,
everyone believes himself
the owner,
proprietor,
uncle
of a cat,
companion,
colleague,
disciple
or friend
of his cat.


Not me.
I do not subscribe.
I do not know the cat.
I know it all, life and its archipelago,
the sea and the incalculable city,
botany,
the gyneceum and its frenzies,
the plus and the minus of mathematics,
the volcanic frauds of the world,
the unreal shell of the crocodile,
the unknown kindness of the fireman,
the blue atavism of the priest,
but I cannot decipher a cat.
My reason slips on his indifference,
his eyes have golden numbers."

Nocturnal Wishes

I've kept a diary of my dreams since I was like 9 years old. For me, dreams have always been a very important part of how I see the world, how different colours, forms and even smells and tastes appear in my mind while my eyes are closed. I've met people who insist they don't dream, and I've felt really bad for them, without my dreams I'd feel suffocated, lost. Whenever something's bothering me, in my dreams I try to find the answer, it's often very symbolic, not straightforward. I've experienced great losses and had comfort, I've missed someone dear who lives far away and this way I can meet the person. When I was young I had nightmares (especially of vampires and UFO's, lol), nowadays it's more like the feeling of the dream that is bothering. Oh and if I'm having an unpleasant dream, I wake up and I am sleeping on my back, everytime!!! I can fly in my dreams, I "see" them in colour, sometimes I hear music so beautiful that I've been thinking about writing it down once I wake up, it has all the right chords and instruments in it...But once I'm awake I can't quite touch it anymore, like it was supposed to be heard only in the concerto of my nocturnal mind. I'll share some of my most meaningful dreams later, but now I'll tell you about the one I had last night.

I was in a lovely house on the beach, invited by someone I know. The house was really nice, had interesting ideas, fabrics, colours, and the beach was right there with the white, inviting sand to be played with. There was an addressbook on a table, and I looked at it, trying to find my name. It wasn't there. I looked outside and saw wild animals on the beach, large elephants, rhinosaurus running wildly, like all the animals from Africa were suddenly on the beach.

Oh I can't remember what Freud would have said, something sexual probably. He thinks almost every dream express our sexual needs...So what does wild animals mean? Frustration? Fear? Water in our dreams tells about our emotions, in this dream it was calm and turquoise. Yet calm is far away from how I feel now.

You're A Big Girl Now

Our conversation was short and sweet
It nearly swept me off-a my feet.
And I am back in the rain, oh, oh,
And you are on dry land.
You made it there somehow
You're a big girl now.

Bird on the horizon, sittin' on a fence,
He's singin' his song for me at his own expense.
And I'm just like that bird, oh, oh,
Singin' just for you.
I hope that you can hear,
Hear me singin' through these tears.

Time is a jet plane, it moves too fast
Oh, but what a shame if all we've shared can't last.
I can change, I swear, oh, oh,
See what you can do.
I can make it through,
You can make it too.

Love is so simple, to quote a phrase,
You've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
Oh, I know where I can find you, oh, oh,
In somebody's room.
It's a price I have to pay
You're a big girl all the way.

A change in the weather is known to be extreme
But what's the sense of changing horses in midstream?
I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh,
With a pain that stop and starts
Like a corkscrew to my heart
Ever since we've been apart.

21st of February 1973

It's my birthday today! Got a message from my mother and a lovely card from my friend Piia, who lives in New York. She's an amazing friend, extremely talented in many ways, doing her PhD in Rutgers University in New Jersey (the armpit of America...or The Garden State, whatever...) Thank You, Pikezi! Dreaming of the New York City winter!
The e-card she sent was from the online version of Helsingin Sanomat, the biggest newspaper in Finland. There I found something so totally hilarious I might spend the whole morning with; Mr Fastfinger's Guitar School!!!

Mister Fastfinger has a little pervy sound in his name, but he's quite good with his axe anyway! Made me totally wake up and smile!!!

Smiles are something that I seem have forgotten lately. Sometimes in our own sorrow and despair we get so self centered and ignore all the good things that are in fact in our lives, surrounding us every day! I've got a job, I am healthy (yeah the throat's fine now!), got a few really really close, dear friends and heaps of kind acquaintances...Really there are many important things in my life that I can't complain about! But why do I feel this way? What if I was born somewhere tropical, would I still have the melancholy mind? How much does it actually mean to what kind of surroundings a person is being born? Hearing samba instead of humppa could have made me more hilarious? There is something dark and mysterious in the dna of the Finns, our heritage comes from the forests of the Ural Mountains. Guess it tells a lot about us...

I'm already addicted to Sudoku's! Yes! When I was in Paris my dear friend showed me how to solve them, I was sweating and swearing for my first one for a few minutes and then, HEUREKA! It opened to me like the doors to the Mall! Come in and make yourself comfortable! Now you can forget all the dull shit and let your brain work on something else! (Ok, shopping ain't free. In fact, I am waiting quite anxiously for my Visa-bill from my trip to France)

On Stage

The stains on the profile photo of me onstage, is red wine, what else? I can still remember how it happened. The photo is from a play "B.H.Crusell Superstar", a play about a composer who lived here in Uusikaupunki. I am a hooker called Olga, in Paris, seducing young Crusell.

This photo is from a play called "Avoimien Ovien Päivä" by Anna-Leena Härkönen, dramatized by Sirkku Peltola. I'm wearing a vintage overalls from Hell, size 44. The director of the play is a very perverted man. My name is Silja and I am a student of architeture.

My next play will be Friedrich Durrenmatt's "A Visit Of An Old Lady". I'll be a priest. I've decided to dress as a man, a long time fantasy of mine....don't know yet how to do it, will flatten my breasts (not going to be a huge task since I ain't no Dolly Parton) and learn to walk and talk like a man, unless I want to do the gay priest...we'll see.

On friday I'll go to Turku and Linnateatteri to see Akseli Ensemble's play "Ranta", "The Beach" I've got such high expectations!

The Beauty of Winter

Today I realized how the days are slowly getting longer. For those who haven't experienced the northern winter, let me tell you it's damn long, cold and dark. I am lucky to live in the southwest, where the winters are mild, but in northern Finland, called Lapland, the winter's really harsh. In a way it is no surprise why we Finns are such heavy drinkers and melancholy; what else is there to do on those lightless nights except to open the Koskenkorva or Finlandia?
In summer it's a different story. The Midnight Sun! We celebrate Midsummer (Juhannus) in the end of June, millions of Finns escape the cities and go for sauna, swimming and sausages by the thousands of lakes (hey, that rhymes!!)
So the light is increasing, and the birds have started to sing a little, always a sign of the spring approaching, even though it's still quite far away. February's the coldest month of the year.

I'll try to carry my camera when I go out, and yesterday I took this shot of an ice sculpture. It was amazing to think how in just a few months I can go swimming to the exactly same place!

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Instead of going to the movies I decided to rearrange my cd's, books and dvd's. What a journey! I should have done it long time ago, although I think it really gave me some extra pleasure of doing it now. Here's one little secret for you (I have absolutely no idea if anyone ever visits or reads this blog, so far I haven't told about this to anyone, it can be seen in my Yahoo profile though) I collect Disney! Yes! I've secretly cried for both Bambi and Simba, enjoyed the singing and laughing crows in Dumbo and my special favorite is Fantasia, where there's classical music, in wonderful pictures and images. Today I watched the Nutcracker Suite by Tsaikovsky. He's always been my favorite composer, the melancholic man from the East. He had such a tragic life, as he was gay in time when it certainly was a taboo in Russia. He even tried to drown himself, poor fellow.

What else? Felt strongly today for my female favourites of PJ Harvey, Kate Bush, Janis Joplin, Norah Jones and even a little Sheryl Crow (I think she's actually pretty hot!)

Especially PJ's song "The Dancer" from the album "To Bring You My Love" gives me the chills everytime. It's an obsessed record...

Oh and sweet Norah Jones. What a voice...she's the daughter of Ravi Shankar, the guy who introduced sitar to a certain Mr Harrison.

Then I watched a while for "Good Intentions" by Ingmar Bergman, one of my favorite movie/theaterdirectors of all time. I got a book of his for christmas, he and his daughter and his wife were all writing a diary about his wife's struggle with cancer. Interesting, touching book.

Then, a short walk on the icy waters. I find something beautiful everytime...

Good night for now, bonne nuit, hyvää yötä.

Before I go for the walk on ice...

Breakfast (Dejeuner du matin)

He put the coffee in the cup
he put the milk in the cup of coffee
he put the sugar in the milky coffee
with the coffee spoon he stirred it
he drank the milky coffee
he put the cup down without speaking to me
he lit a cigarette
he made rings with the smoke
he put the ash in the ash tray
without speaking to me
without looking at me
he got up
he put his hat on his head
he put on his raincoat because it was raining
and he went off in the rain
without a word
without looking at me
and I held my head in my hands and I wept.


Letting yourself develop and fantasize about the future with a person increases attachment and anxiety about the expectations or plans not coming true. Any little event that makes the plan seem likely makes you feel elated; any event that makes it seem unlikely makes you feel devastated. You can get on an emotional roller-coaster, dependent upon these little signs of success or failure in the relationship. You may then drive the person away by being too emotional or needy.

Lyrics and poems of the day

Had a good evening last night, some friends came with wonderful tulips and nice presents for my magic 33 (in two days that is), later had a dinner and did some dancing too, noticed how my boots glide well on a dancefloor ...

I was thinking about my dear friend Helena yesterday, haven't seen her in a while and noticed that she has translated another novel by Leonard Cohen to finnish. I really liked the first one (Beautiful Losers) and will definitely read this one as well (The Favourite Game). I was reading his poems this morning, poems and thoughts and again I realized what an incredible writer he is, I like both his erotic ones like "Giving me head on an unmade bed, while the limousine waits in the street" (I guess I don't really have to add that I like both Bukowski and Miller...and of course Anais Nin, she and I have the same birthday, 2/21!!)
Or the really beautiful line of "There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." Truly beautiful, I'm in goosebumps like everytime I hear good music, for some perverse reason (?) every hair of my body feel like pulling up.

The radio's on; usually I'm more into my "I know and need my comfortable records"-mood, and I just heard Jonna Tervomaa's "Rakkauden Haudalla", never realized how brilliant the lyrics actually are. Well, the song's written by Juice Leskinen, probably one of the best writers in Finland, so you can't really expect anything less. Had a crazy idea to translate it...so I'll try, here's the original one:

Osaan sanoa kymmenellä kielellä kiitos,osaan hyvää uutta vuotta toivottaa.
Mutta aamuöisin loistavaa tähteä en kiinni saa.
Saatan kohtaa vaikeudet silmästä silmään,saatan olla hiljaa jos niin vaaditaan.
Saatan seppeleen mä laskea ja lähteä jatkamaan.
Rakkaus on kuollut, elämän virtaan.Pelasta mut, jos se sopii sinun pirtaan,pelasta mut.
Voisin kulkee väsymättä maailman ääriin,voisin tulla takaisin ja hengähtää.
Mutta sinä kun oot mennyt, ei henkeäkään mulle jää.
Maailman tuuliin mä menetin rakkaan.
Pelasta mut, jos se käy sun almanakkaan, pelasta mut.
Heikosti tajuan mä elämisen taikaa.
Pelasta minut, jos sinulla on aikaa,pelasta mut.

"I know how to say Thank You in ten languages, know the Happy New Year's too.
But the star in the break of the dawn always seem too far.
I might face the sorrows bravely, or be silent if needed.
I might just lay the flowers and keep on going.
The stream of life killed our love. Rescue me if it suits your plans, rescue me.
I could travel the world without getting tired, I could come back and have a deep breath.
But now when you're gone, I'm out of breath.
I lost my love to the winds of the world.
Rescue me if it suits in your calendar, rescue me.
Very faintly I now realize the magic of living.
Rescue me, if you've got any time, rescue me."

Most probably I'll come back later to edit it, as this was just the first attempts to trying to understand the rich images and the melancholy in the text. This way it is by the way always a lot more difficult, from finnish to english. But I like challenges.

Talking about challenges I bought my first Sudoku-magazine yesterday and will later try to solve them out. I've always loved quizzes and tests. Looking forward to discuss these with my brother, I miss our chess games and conversation.

If I feel like it later today, I might go to Turku to see the Johnny Cash-movie "Walk The Line", I've heard that Joaquin Phoenix does a mighty well job. I'll surely share my opinions afterwards.