Kalevala

Tomorrow we are celebrating Kalevala and the day of Finnish culture. Kalevala is the national epic of Finland, and unique in it's own kind, since it's the only epic where the wars are done with words instead of weapons. Finnish is such a rich language, unfortunately very difficult to learn. I've always loved my language, the rich symbols of it, almost poetic in a way.

The main character of the Kalevala is Väinämöinen, a shamanistic hero with the magical power of songs and music. He is born of the primal Maiden of the Air and contributes to the creation of the world. Many of his travels resemble shamanistic journeys, especially the one where he visits the belly of a ground-giant, Antero Vipunen, to find the words of boat generation. He plays the kantele, a Finnish string instrument that is played like a zither. One of his kanteles is made of the jawbone of a giant pike. His search for a wife is a central element in many stories; he never finds one, though. For example one of the brides, Joukahainen's sister Aino, drowns herself instead of marrying him. He is also part of the group who steals the Sampo, a magical mill, from the people of the north.

Other characters, some of whom have their own chapters, are Seppo Ilmarinen, a heroic artificer-smith (comparable to the Germanic Weyland) who crafted the sky dome, the Sampo and more; Louhi the Hag of the North, a shamanistic matriarch of a people rivaling those of Kalevala who at one stage pulls the sun and the moon from the sky; Väinämöinen's young rival, Joukahainen, who promises his sister Aino to him when he loses a singing contest; vengeful, self-destructive Kullervo who is born as a slave, goes into berserk rage and commits suicide; and handsome but arrogant Lemminkäinen, whose mother has to rescue his corpse from the river of Death which runs through Tuonela, and bring him to life, echoing the myth of Osiris.
Some of the chapters describe ancient creation myths, a long wedding ceremony, and the right words for magical spells of healing and craftsmanship.

Kalevala has been very inspirational to many Finnish artist, such as the composer Jean Sibelius and painter Akseli Gallen-Kallela. Here's Lemminkäinen's mother. Look how stronly symbolic it is, wonderful!!

Battle Of The North

I am not a sports fanatic, but today, like all the other 5 million of us, I am at home, watching The Hockey Match Of The Year, Finland vs Sweden. Will continue as soon as the game's over!

6:10pm

Ok. So we lost. Once again. Competing against Sweden must be something psychological, I don't know. The game started very well, but then again something happened and the Swedes finally won 2-3. But hey, as they say, "hopea ei ole häpeä", silver's no shame, so I guess we should be happy and proud of our boys, getting an olympic silver medal for us hockeycrazy Finns.

I must admit that I didn't watch the olympic games at all, a short glimpse of curling one night, seemed totally symphatetic, by the way, and now today this game. Even if I am not keenly following sports it doesn't mean I don't like it; I like to watch soccer every once in a while and I think figureskating is beautiful, a little like ballet on ice.

Another lazy sunday, just ordered a pizza and will most probably spend rest of the evening reading a book called "A Short History Of Nearly Everything" by Bill Bryson. Science is my guilty pleasure!

P.S. Couldn't resist Conan ;-)

Shoe fetish

Every astrological sign rules a certain part of the body. Aries rules head; many of them suffer from headaches and different kinds of traumas to head. Taurus has the throat, no wonder so many bulls are also excellent singers in spite of chronic pains in the area. Gemini rules the lungs; worst possible sign to quit smoking, allergies and pains in hands (arms) are also common.
Cancer rules the breasts, many women born under this sign have quite large boobs! Also the nipples of men are very sensitive. Leo= the heart and the spine. Virgo rules the stomach, many virgoans I know are worriers who have problems with the tummy. Virgo's can also be picky eaters. Libra is the sign of kidneys and intestines, Scorpio rules the genitalia (that's why the rep of being the most sexual sign of all) Sagittarius the thighs and hips, Capricorn legs (also skin, teeth and joints), Aquarius ankles and the nervous system and finally Pisces, the feet.

That is SO true in my case. I'm famous of wearing two different kinds of socks. Many of my shoes are extremely uncomfortable and in summertime I prefer walking barefoot. Footmassage drives me CRAZY. Really, there's no exaggeration in here. I love it and you can ask me to do anything after that, as I've probably lost the word "no" from my vocabulary after such nirvana.

But as the title already suggests; I have a some kind of a shoe fetish as well. Men with boots, for example. I will never forget the movie "Robin Hood, The Prince Of Thieves, not because Kevin Costner but the boots Alan Rickman is wearing as the evil sheriff of Nottingham. I was drooling all over myself, literally.

I bought myself my first pair of boots a while ago and I instantly fell in love with them. I felt like I was born wearing them, and I could sleep with them ;-) They're brown spanish leather.

Happy Birthday, George!!!!

My favourite member of my favourite group would be celebrating his 63rd birthday, if he still was among us! I got the cd of the Bangladesh Concert from my dear brother for Christmas, and have been listening to it for the whole morning!
I found The Beatles very early, I must have been around 5 years old. My father had the lp's, and he had recorded them on tapes, I can still remember the cassettes, they were red and a brand called "Ferro", me and bro used to listen to them every day, and very soon we were recording our own versions with the piano and the triangle, sometimes beaten very aggressively.

A few years later we recorded some more, not really knowing the words nor the pronounciation, but we had so much fun.

After that we have traditionally gathered together at my mother's house to play and sing, not just The Beatles but a lot of other stuff as well, mostly written in the 60's though. Last time we met we played "House Of The Rising Sun" at least three times and my throat was all sore and dry the next day, but I can't remember the last time I had felt so happy!!

My favorite songs from George are "Savoy Truffle" (he wrote it with his friend Eric Clapton, they were eating chocolates and stole their names straight to the song, the lyrics are fantastic!!), "Old Brown Shoe", "I Me Mine" (at first I thought of naming this blog after that but Sting won), "Here Comes The Sun" and of course, "Something". I like the fact that he was into the eastern mystical stuff and a fellow Pisces. Takes one to know one!!

Theater in Turku

Last night I, once again, realized how obsessively I love theater. I've never been indifferent to it, even as a child I recognized the unique magic you could only feel in a theater, the energy and emotions flowing between the audience and the actors/actresses on stage, the fact that each night is a little different made by the chemistry of some kind.
I've been onstage since I was 9 years old and went to a special kind of a music class, we were 16 kids, selected through tests of singing and rhythm, each of us already playing instruments and singing. I played piano and cello and we had choir rehearsals a few times a week. I have such wonderful memories of all those years, they've strongly affected on the way I see myself today. Through school projects of musicals and plays I realized how much I want to be onstage, it was feeding my narcissistic need to be in the front of an audience, and the kicks you get when you hear the applause is very addictive like any drug. I am sure most of the performers agree on this one. You have the passion and the gift and the possibilities to express yourself but you need the audience to see it, to tell you how good you are and how beautiful you look....In a theater you soon know you are very often dealing with quite self centered people, and no matter how long you've been doing it the stagefright is always there and the fear of rejection, the adrenaline, the fact that when the show's over you come home and can't relax or sleep for hours. I've always been at my weirdest at the premieres, everytime we have a huge party afterwards but I usually leave soon with a headache. All the exitement and concentration just don't wear off that quickly. That's why the "funerals" of the play are much more fun!

So last night we went to Turku, to Linnateatteri to see Akseli Ensemble's play "Ranta", "The Beach" or more likely "The Shore" as I would transalate it. There were many things I really enjoyed, for example Juho Milonoff did a fantastic job, and Laura Malmivaara wasn't too bad either. The story was a combination of a tragicomedy and mystery, the first part was definitely stronger. The guy who had written this play, Paavo Westerberg, has done a lot of work in TV and it showed on stage; there were a few quite unorthodox decisions on stage I wasn't sure did it actually work, but then there was some classical stuff like playing with the chairs and so on.

After the play, nice dinner in Oscarin Olohuone. I really like the restaurant in a nice area of my dear hometown of Turku. Turku is now by the way running for European Capital of Culture 2011. I sincerely wish it'd become true, as no matter what the inhabitants of Helsinki and Tampere are saying, Turku is an unique city with a history...other Finns are just jealous ;-)

More thoughts on the subject...

Suddenly I remembered how John Steinbeck described how the wine works on us in his wonderful novel of Tortilla Flat:

"Spiritually the jugs may be graduated thus:
Just below the shoulder of the first bottle, serious and concentrated conversation.
Two inches farther down, sweetly sad memory.
Three inches more, thoughts of old and satisfactory loves.
An inch, thoughts of bitter loves.
Bottom of the first jug, general and undirected sadness.
Shoulder of the second jug, black, unholy despondency.
Two fingers down a song of death and longing.
A thumb, every other song each one knows.
The graduations stop here, for the trail splits and there is no certainty.
From this point on anything can happen."

I've always loved Steinbeck, his characters are real, you can really feel and see them. Maybe I'll also choose this novel to be discussed, and to be enjoyed with some great wines from California.

Wines and Lines

I had this idea of combining wine and verse. In fact; me and my good friend Päivi have been talking about this book&wine-club, we'll probably get things started next month. We've already found us a place to meet, now we just have to decide who to invite and how often we'll get together. The idea is to taste wines from certain countries/areas and for some inspiration also we'll read something from a writer from the same country. Each of us will decide the theme, wine and book, maybe short stories and poetry will be easier than a novel with 400 pages...Anyway, I have an idea for our first meeting, it'll be Pablo Neruda and red wine from Chile...I've always loved his wonderful and profound "Ode To The Cat"


"The animals were imperfect,
long-tailed,
unfortunate in their heads.
Little by little they
put themselves together,
making themselves a landscape,
acquiring spots, grace, flight.
The cat,
only the cat
appeared complete and proud:
he was born completely finished,
walking alone and knowing what he wanted.


Man wants to be fish or fowl,
the snake would like to have wings
the dog is a disoriented lion,
the engineer would like to be a poet,
the fly studies to be a swift,
the poet tries to imitate the fly,
but the cat only wants to be a cat
and any cat is a cat
from his whiskers to his tail,
from his hopeful vision of a rat
to the real thing,
from the night to his golden eyes.


There is no unity
like him,
the moon and the flower
do not have such context:
he is just one thing
like the sun or the topaz,
and the elastic line of his contours
is firm and subtle like
the line of a ship's prow.
His yellow eyes
have just one
groove
to coin the gold of night time.


Oh little
emperor without a sphere of influence
conqueror without a country,
smallest living-room tiger,
nuptial sultan of the sky,
of the erotic roof-tiles,
the wind of love
in the storm
you claim
when you pass
and place
four delicate feet
on the ground,
smelling,
distrusting
all that is terrestrial,
because everything
is too unclean
for the immaculate foot of the cat.
Oh independent wild beast
of the house
arrogant
vestige of the night,
lazy, gymnastic
and alien,
very deep cat,
secret policeman
of bedrooms,
insignia
of a
disappeared velvet,
surely there is no
enigma
in your manner,
perhaps you are not a mystery,
everyone knows of you
and you belong
to the least mysterious inhabitant,
perhaps everyone believes it,
everyone believes himself
the owner,
proprietor,
uncle
of a cat,
companion,
colleague,
disciple
or friend
of his cat.


Not me.
I do not subscribe.
I do not know the cat.
I know it all, life and its archipelago,
the sea and the incalculable city,
botany,
the gyneceum and its frenzies,
the plus and the minus of mathematics,
the volcanic frauds of the world,
the unreal shell of the crocodile,
the unknown kindness of the fireman,
the blue atavism of the priest,
but I cannot decipher a cat.
My reason slips on his indifference,
his eyes have golden numbers."

Nocturnal Wishes

I've kept a diary of my dreams since I was like 9 years old. For me, dreams have always been a very important part of how I see the world, how different colours, forms and even smells and tastes appear in my mind while my eyes are closed. I've met people who insist they don't dream, and I've felt really bad for them, without my dreams I'd feel suffocated, lost. Whenever something's bothering me, in my dreams I try to find the answer, it's often very symbolic, not straightforward. I've experienced great losses and had comfort, I've missed someone dear who lives far away and this way I can meet the person. When I was young I had nightmares (especially of vampires and UFO's, lol), nowadays it's more like the feeling of the dream that is bothering. Oh and if I'm having an unpleasant dream, I wake up and I am sleeping on my back, everytime!!! I can fly in my dreams, I "see" them in colour, sometimes I hear music so beautiful that I've been thinking about writing it down once I wake up, it has all the right chords and instruments in it...But once I'm awake I can't quite touch it anymore, like it was supposed to be heard only in the concerto of my nocturnal mind. I'll share some of my most meaningful dreams later, but now I'll tell you about the one I had last night.

I was in a lovely house on the beach, invited by someone I know. The house was really nice, had interesting ideas, fabrics, colours, and the beach was right there with the white, inviting sand to be played with. There was an addressbook on a table, and I looked at it, trying to find my name. It wasn't there. I looked outside and saw wild animals on the beach, large elephants, rhinosaurus running wildly, like all the animals from Africa were suddenly on the beach.

Oh I can't remember what Freud would have said, something sexual probably. He thinks almost every dream express our sexual needs...So what does wild animals mean? Frustration? Fear? Water in our dreams tells about our emotions, in this dream it was calm and turquoise. Yet calm is far away from how I feel now.

You're A Big Girl Now

Our conversation was short and sweet
It nearly swept me off-a my feet.
And I am back in the rain, oh, oh,
And you are on dry land.
You made it there somehow
You're a big girl now.

Bird on the horizon, sittin' on a fence,
He's singin' his song for me at his own expense.
And I'm just like that bird, oh, oh,
Singin' just for you.
I hope that you can hear,
Hear me singin' through these tears.

Time is a jet plane, it moves too fast
Oh, but what a shame if all we've shared can't last.
I can change, I swear, oh, oh,
See what you can do.
I can make it through,
You can make it too.

Love is so simple, to quote a phrase,
You've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
Oh, I know where I can find you, oh, oh,
In somebody's room.
It's a price I have to pay
You're a big girl all the way.

A change in the weather is known to be extreme
But what's the sense of changing horses in midstream?
I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh,
With a pain that stop and starts
Like a corkscrew to my heart
Ever since we've been apart.

21st of February 1973

It's my birthday today! Got a message from my mother and a lovely card from my friend Piia, who lives in New York. She's an amazing friend, extremely talented in many ways, doing her PhD in Rutgers University in New Jersey (the armpit of America...or The Garden State, whatever...) Thank You, Pikezi! Dreaming of the New York City winter!
The e-card she sent was from the online version of Helsingin Sanomat, the biggest newspaper in Finland. There I found something so totally hilarious I might spend the whole morning with; Mr Fastfinger's Guitar School!!!

Mister Fastfinger has a little pervy sound in his name, but he's quite good with his axe anyway! Made me totally wake up and smile!!!

Smiles are something that I seem have forgotten lately. Sometimes in our own sorrow and despair we get so self centered and ignore all the good things that are in fact in our lives, surrounding us every day! I've got a job, I am healthy (yeah the throat's fine now!), got a few really really close, dear friends and heaps of kind acquaintances...Really there are many important things in my life that I can't complain about! But why do I feel this way? What if I was born somewhere tropical, would I still have the melancholy mind? How much does it actually mean to what kind of surroundings a person is being born? Hearing samba instead of humppa could have made me more hilarious? There is something dark and mysterious in the dna of the Finns, our heritage comes from the forests of the Ural Mountains. Guess it tells a lot about us...

I'm already addicted to Sudoku's! Yes! When I was in Paris my dear friend showed me how to solve them, I was sweating and swearing for my first one for a few minutes and then, HEUREKA! It opened to me like the doors to the Mall! Come in and make yourself comfortable! Now you can forget all the dull shit and let your brain work on something else! (Ok, shopping ain't free. In fact, I am waiting quite anxiously for my Visa-bill from my trip to France)

On Stage

The stains on the profile photo of me onstage, is red wine, what else? I can still remember how it happened. The photo is from a play "B.H.Crusell Superstar", a play about a composer who lived here in Uusikaupunki. I am a hooker called Olga, in Paris, seducing young Crusell.

This photo is from a play called "Avoimien Ovien Päivä" by Anna-Leena Härkönen, dramatized by Sirkku Peltola. I'm wearing a vintage overalls from Hell, size 44. The director of the play is a very perverted man. My name is Silja and I am a student of architeture.

My next play will be Friedrich Durrenmatt's "A Visit Of An Old Lady". I'll be a priest. I've decided to dress as a man, a long time fantasy of mine....don't know yet how to do it, will flatten my breasts (not going to be a huge task since I ain't no Dolly Parton) and learn to walk and talk like a man, unless I want to do the gay priest...we'll see.

On friday I'll go to Turku and Linnateatteri to see Akseli Ensemble's play "Ranta", "The Beach" I've got such high expectations!

The Beauty of Winter

Today I realized how the days are slowly getting longer. For those who haven't experienced the northern winter, let me tell you it's damn long, cold and dark. I am lucky to live in the southwest, where the winters are mild, but in northern Finland, called Lapland, the winter's really harsh. In a way it is no surprise why we Finns are such heavy drinkers and melancholy; what else is there to do on those lightless nights except to open the Koskenkorva or Finlandia?
In summer it's a different story. The Midnight Sun! We celebrate Midsummer (Juhannus) in the end of June, millions of Finns escape the cities and go for sauna, swimming and sausages by the thousands of lakes (hey, that rhymes!!)
So the light is increasing, and the birds have started to sing a little, always a sign of the spring approaching, even though it's still quite far away. February's the coldest month of the year.

I'll try to carry my camera when I go out, and yesterday I took this shot of an ice sculpture. It was amazing to think how in just a few months I can go swimming to the exactly same place!

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Instead of going to the movies I decided to rearrange my cd's, books and dvd's. What a journey! I should have done it long time ago, although I think it really gave me some extra pleasure of doing it now. Here's one little secret for you (I have absolutely no idea if anyone ever visits or reads this blog, so far I haven't told about this to anyone, it can be seen in my Yahoo profile though) I collect Disney! Yes! I've secretly cried for both Bambi and Simba, enjoyed the singing and laughing crows in Dumbo and my special favorite is Fantasia, where there's classical music, in wonderful pictures and images. Today I watched the Nutcracker Suite by Tsaikovsky. He's always been my favorite composer, the melancholic man from the East. He had such a tragic life, as he was gay in time when it certainly was a taboo in Russia. He even tried to drown himself, poor fellow.

What else? Felt strongly today for my female favourites of PJ Harvey, Kate Bush, Janis Joplin, Norah Jones and even a little Sheryl Crow (I think she's actually pretty hot!)

Especially PJ's song "The Dancer" from the album "To Bring You My Love" gives me the chills everytime. It's an obsessed record...

Oh and sweet Norah Jones. What a voice...she's the daughter of Ravi Shankar, the guy who introduced sitar to a certain Mr Harrison.

Then I watched a while for "Good Intentions" by Ingmar Bergman, one of my favorite movie/theaterdirectors of all time. I got a book of his for christmas, he and his daughter and his wife were all writing a diary about his wife's struggle with cancer. Interesting, touching book.

Then, a short walk on the icy waters. I find something beautiful everytime...

Good night for now, bonne nuit, hyvää yötä.

Before I go for the walk on ice...

Breakfast (Dejeuner du matin)

He put the coffee in the cup
he put the milk in the cup of coffee
he put the sugar in the milky coffee
with the coffee spoon he stirred it
he drank the milky coffee
he put the cup down without speaking to me
he lit a cigarette
he made rings with the smoke
he put the ash in the ash tray
without speaking to me
without looking at me
he got up
he put his hat on his head
he put on his raincoat because it was raining
and he went off in the rain
without a word
without looking at me
and I held my head in my hands and I wept.


Letting yourself develop and fantasize about the future with a person increases attachment and anxiety about the expectations or plans not coming true. Any little event that makes the plan seem likely makes you feel elated; any event that makes it seem unlikely makes you feel devastated. You can get on an emotional roller-coaster, dependent upon these little signs of success or failure in the relationship. You may then drive the person away by being too emotional or needy.

Lyrics and poems of the day

Had a good evening last night, some friends came with wonderful tulips and nice presents for my magic 33 (in two days that is), later had a dinner and did some dancing too, noticed how my boots glide well on a dancefloor ...

I was thinking about my dear friend Helena yesterday, haven't seen her in a while and noticed that she has translated another novel by Leonard Cohen to finnish. I really liked the first one (Beautiful Losers) and will definitely read this one as well (The Favourite Game). I was reading his poems this morning, poems and thoughts and again I realized what an incredible writer he is, I like both his erotic ones like "Giving me head on an unmade bed, while the limousine waits in the street" (I guess I don't really have to add that I like both Bukowski and Miller...and of course Anais Nin, she and I have the same birthday, 2/21!!)
Or the really beautiful line of "There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." Truly beautiful, I'm in goosebumps like everytime I hear good music, for some perverse reason (?) every hair of my body feel like pulling up.

The radio's on; usually I'm more into my "I know and need my comfortable records"-mood, and I just heard Jonna Tervomaa's "Rakkauden Haudalla", never realized how brilliant the lyrics actually are. Well, the song's written by Juice Leskinen, probably one of the best writers in Finland, so you can't really expect anything less. Had a crazy idea to translate it...so I'll try, here's the original one:

Osaan sanoa kymmenellä kielellä kiitos,osaan hyvää uutta vuotta toivottaa.
Mutta aamuöisin loistavaa tähteä en kiinni saa.
Saatan kohtaa vaikeudet silmästä silmään,saatan olla hiljaa jos niin vaaditaan.
Saatan seppeleen mä laskea ja lähteä jatkamaan.
Rakkaus on kuollut, elämän virtaan.Pelasta mut, jos se sopii sinun pirtaan,pelasta mut.
Voisin kulkee väsymättä maailman ääriin,voisin tulla takaisin ja hengähtää.
Mutta sinä kun oot mennyt, ei henkeäkään mulle jää.
Maailman tuuliin mä menetin rakkaan.
Pelasta mut, jos se käy sun almanakkaan, pelasta mut.
Heikosti tajuan mä elämisen taikaa.
Pelasta minut, jos sinulla on aikaa,pelasta mut.

"I know how to say Thank You in ten languages, know the Happy New Year's too.
But the star in the break of the dawn always seem too far.
I might face the sorrows bravely, or be silent if needed.
I might just lay the flowers and keep on going.
The stream of life killed our love. Rescue me if it suits your plans, rescue me.
I could travel the world without getting tired, I could come back and have a deep breath.
But now when you're gone, I'm out of breath.
I lost my love to the winds of the world.
Rescue me if it suits in your calendar, rescue me.
Very faintly I now realize the magic of living.
Rescue me, if you've got any time, rescue me."

Most probably I'll come back later to edit it, as this was just the first attempts to trying to understand the rich images and the melancholy in the text. This way it is by the way always a lot more difficult, from finnish to english. But I like challenges.

Talking about challenges I bought my first Sudoku-magazine yesterday and will later try to solve them out. I've always loved quizzes and tests. Looking forward to discuss these with my brother, I miss our chess games and conversation.

If I feel like it later today, I might go to Turku to see the Johnny Cash-movie "Walk The Line", I've heard that Joaquin Phoenix does a mighty well job. I'll surely share my opinions afterwards.