Thoughts about seasons

After gentle September the autumn finally arrived with gusty winds and rainfall. I can now honestly say, that after a 36-year experience called life I can call myself an "autumn-person". In fact, I do love all the seasons, and who wouldn't? I can still remember my childhood years when we did have snow here in southwest part of the country. It is such a shameful fact that young kids don't know real winters anymore. Or is it just my imagination, or tricky, golden memories? Anyway I do remember days in March with a lot of snow and lot of sunshine.

Spring is violent. The sudden, increasing light reveals all the dirt, in and out. Winter lets you dress heavily, burn candles and forget to shave your legs, but when spring comes it comes shaking. What I enjoy best about summers here in Finland is the light. Midnight Sun is definitely worth experiencing. Here in south is is not so obvious than in the north, but still. To name a favorite month it would be either August or September. Those warm, milky nights when you can put colourful lanterns to your garden and have wine and play music. That's about the most romantic thing I can imagine!

Yeah, I know, it's hard to be humorous in the November hail. But if it was summer all the time, what would I be waiting for? Another option is to beg to be born bear in next life and hibernate through the bitter months. And wake up angry and hungry.

Hilde and Drummer

Two weeks after their first idle conversation of purple guitarpicks they surrended to a drunken kiss on a staircase. Hilde knew, that Drummer was married and knew of his Casanovaesque reputation, but after the few ciders at the movie, couple of drinks and cigarettes, the warning signs in her head sounded more like some distant whispers.

Hilde was amazed by the easiness, about the relaxation. Drummer drew hearts and wrote their names on Hilde's bare skin while she was laying on her stomach. When Hilde finally gave in to her senses and started to think, the horror of it made her end the relationship in just few weeks.

While she wrote him a letter to explain this she got a message from Dummer who wanted to move in with her. So the messaged sailed in the world of electronic communications, and for a while they both felt like shit.

They met once after those e-mails were sent. They had sushi for lunch, and Hilde noticed how nervous they both were. Drummer had some rash on his forehead, her hands were cold. Afterwards, for the sake of Valentine's Day, they exchanged meaningless gifts they both had bought in the hurry, and they've not met since.

Hilde And Engineer

They had their first date in October. At first he seemed to be very appealing yet cautios; in a few months Hilde was very irritated about it. In a bus, on her way home, Hilde was thinking about getting to like him. The last look he gave her had some puppy-like begging in it. It had always been too easy to touch Hilde's emotions with things like that.

They lived in different towns. That way it took their more time to get to know eachother.

Engineer smelled heavily of sweat. Different kinds of scents meant awful lot to Hilde, who thought that it was our natural smells that attracted us and made us choose a partner. Engineer didn't use a deodorant or any other scents either. That was bothering Hilde, who was too polite to say anything about it.

Because they saw eachoter so seldom they really never got profoundly intimate. The few incidents they did have made Hilde think a lot;  after having his own release he'd say "I'm Sorry". Later he used the word "vagina" twice.

Before Hilde knew how he felt about Engineer they decided to go on a trip together. By the time they went she was sure it wasn't going to work. In that strange city, on a bed of a hotelroom, Hilde told him how she felt about the relationship. He replied: "Well I guess we aren't compatible with eachoter"

They never saw eachother again once they got back home.

Random verse, written at work

Here's couple of lines I wrote today, they just came to me while I was at work. They are not finished, I will edit them later.

"Oh it was brief,

with inevitable grief.

I still sleep in the same sheets

with memories so bittersweet"

"You lifted me up to

the higher ground

and I am no longer

afraid to look down

'Cause what I see

is how you made me

a strong woman

for you to keep"

Return, come back!

Well. Long time no see, eh? I remember starting this blog a few years ago. I can still remember the way I felt then, certain things triggered the urge to write, and now it has happened again.  I think it's very interesting to notice how little you actually change when you get older, especially if and when you let your guard down. I'll be 36 yeard old in just a couple of weeks andI've certainly been through quite a lot; my father's sudden death, my divorce...I actually thought that life has taught me a lesson and I know now how to protect myself from doing anything that would not be wise. HA!!

Well. Let's just say, that if there is bar called LIFE, I went there, I was offered the most beautiful drink in the damn good looking Holy Grail, I had it, and asked for more, until the hangover hit me like hammer in the head. Now it's time to lick wounds and wait until this all will change into a wonderful memory. Heart definitely rules the head.