Thoughts about seasons

After gentle September the autumn finally arrived with gusty winds and rainfall. I can now honestly say, that after a 36-year experience called life I can call myself an "autumn-person". In fact, I do love all the seasons, and who wouldn't? I can still remember my childhood years when we did have snow here in southwest part of the country. It is such a shameful fact that young kids don't know real winters anymore. Or is it just my imagination, or tricky, golden memories? Anyway I do remember days in March with a lot of snow and lot of sunshine.

Spring is violent. The sudden, increasing light reveals all the dirt, in and out. Winter lets you dress heavily, burn candles and forget to shave your legs, but when spring comes it comes shaking. What I enjoy best about summers here in Finland is the light. Midnight Sun is definitely worth experiencing. Here in south is is not so obvious than in the north, but still. To name a favorite month it would be either August or September. Those warm, milky nights when you can put colourful lanterns to your garden and have wine and play music. That's about the most romantic thing I can imagine!

Yeah, I know, it's hard to be humorous in the November hail. But if it was summer all the time, what would I be waiting for? Another option is to beg to be born bear in next life and hibernate through the bitter months. And wake up angry and hungry.

Hilde and Drummer

Two weeks after their first idle conversation of purple guitarpicks they surrended to a drunken kiss on a staircase. Hilde knew, that Drummer was married and knew of his Casanovaesque reputation, but after the few ciders at the movie, couple of drinks and cigarettes, the warning signs in her head sounded more like some distant whispers.

Hilde was amazed by the easiness, about the relaxation. Drummer drew hearts and wrote their names on Hilde's bare skin while she was laying on her stomach. When Hilde finally gave in to her senses and started to think, the horror of it made her end the relationship in just few weeks.

While she wrote him a letter to explain this she got a message from Dummer who wanted to move in with her. So the messaged sailed in the world of electronic communications, and for a while they both felt like shit.

They met once after those e-mails were sent. They had sushi for lunch, and Hilde noticed how nervous they both were. Drummer had some rash on his forehead, her hands were cold. Afterwards, for the sake of Valentine's Day, they exchanged meaningless gifts they both had bought in the hurry, and they've not met since.

Hilde And Engineer

They had their first date in October. At first he seemed to be very appealing yet cautios; in a few months Hilde was very irritated about it. In a bus, on her way home, Hilde was thinking about getting to like him. The last look he gave her had some puppy-like begging in it. It had always been too easy to touch Hilde's emotions with things like that.

They lived in different towns. That way it took their more time to get to know eachother.

Engineer smelled heavily of sweat. Different kinds of scents meant awful lot to Hilde, who thought that it was our natural smells that attracted us and made us choose a partner. Engineer didn't use a deodorant or any other scents either. That was bothering Hilde, who was too polite to say anything about it.

Because they saw eachoter so seldom they really never got profoundly intimate. The few incidents they did have made Hilde think a lot;  after having his own release he'd say "I'm Sorry". Later he used the word "vagina" twice.

Before Hilde knew how he felt about Engineer they decided to go on a trip together. By the time they went she was sure it wasn't going to work. In that strange city, on a bed of a hotelroom, Hilde told him how she felt about the relationship. He replied: "Well I guess we aren't compatible with eachoter"

They never saw eachother again once they got back home.

Random verse, written at work

Here's couple of lines I wrote today, they just came to me while I was at work. They are not finished, I will edit them later.

"Oh it was brief,

with inevitable grief.

I still sleep in the same sheets

with memories so bittersweet"

"You lifted me up to

the higher ground

and I am no longer

afraid to look down

'Cause what I see

is how you made me

a strong woman

for you to keep"

Return, come back!

Well. Long time no see, eh? I remember starting this blog a few years ago. I can still remember the way I felt then, certain things triggered the urge to write, and now it has happened again.  I think it's very interesting to notice how little you actually change when you get older, especially if and when you let your guard down. I'll be 36 yeard old in just a couple of weeks andI've certainly been through quite a lot; my father's sudden death, my divorce...I actually thought that life has taught me a lesson and I know now how to protect myself from doing anything that would not be wise. HA!!

Well. Let's just say, that if there is bar called LIFE, I went there, I was offered the most beautiful drink in the damn good looking Holy Grail, I had it, and asked for more, until the hangover hit me like hammer in the head. Now it's time to lick wounds and wait until this all will change into a wonderful memory. Heart definitely rules the head.

Hauskaa Vappua!

On tomorrow and monday we are celebrating Vappu here in Finland. I searched for some information in english about this fun event:

Today in Finland, Walpurgis Night (Vapunaatto) is, along with New Year's Eve, the biggest carnival-style festivity taking place in the streets of Finland's towns and cities. The celebration is typically centered on plentiful use of sparkling wine and other alcoholic beverages. The student traditions are also one of the main characteristics of "Vappu". From the end of the 19th century, "Fin de Siècle", and onwards, this traditional upper class feast has been co-opted by students attending university, already having received their student cap. Many people who have graduated from lukio wear the cap. One tradition is drinking mead, whose alcohol content varies. The festivities also include a picnic on May 1st, which is sometimes prepared in a lavish manner.

The Finnish tradition is also a shadowing of the Soviet Era May Day parade. Starting with the parties of the left, the whole of the Finnish political scene has nominated Vappu as the day to go out on stumps and agitate. This does not only include right-wing parties, but also others like the church have followed suit, marching and making speeches. In Sweden it is only the labour and socialist parties which use May 1 for political activities, while others observe the traditional festivities. The labourers who were active in the 1970's still party on the first of May. They arrange carnivals and the radio plays their old songs that workers liked to listen to. The labour spirit lies most in the capital of Finland, Helsinki.

The First of May is also a day for everything fun and crazy: children and families gather to market places to celebrate often the first day of the spring and the coming summer. There are balloons and joy, people drink their first beers outside, there are clowns and masks and a lot of fun. The first of May includes colourful streamers, funny and silly things and sun. The first of May means the beginning of the spring for many people in Finland.

New York at your screen

Ever since I found this website I've visited it many, many times. Sometimes I feel a little pathetic, missing the city, wanting to be there again.
But something really weird happened tonight while I was watching the cam; I saw a woman who looked just like me, wearing same kind of clothes, having same, blonde hair.
Maybe it was me, just for a second, traveling in time?

Exercising, anyone?

Very often before the rehearsals and actual shows we do some kind of exercise, it's good to sweat a little when you go on stage. Today I was doing the Silly Walk. Here's my mentor and my idol, Monty Python's legendary John Cleese and The Ministry of Silly Walks!

Good Day Sunshine!

It's a little past 9pm and I am sipping my cider, relaxing, trying to calm down after another heavy rehearsal at the theater. It's funny how tired you feel when you go there, almost like "oh no, here again, every damn evening..." and once you're on stage those feelings disappear instantly and you just forget about everything else! I was talking to our director today how I feel about being onstage, it's one of the few places I forget my sorrows and everyday life, for a while I can be someone else. Even if it truly is tiresome, it's so rewarding too. We've got a great play coming on, just a few more rehearsals and a pre-premiere is on saturday!!!
The "pre-premiers" are something between a show and a rehearsal, the actual premiere is in September.

The spring has finally arrived to our north country fair! Yes! The temperature reached a little over 15 today, making some people acting a little funny, some girls were out wearing just skirts and t-shirts, and a sure sign on a spring is when the hobo's return to the park with their bottles....Our little bay, which we kindly call "Paskalahti" "Bay of Shit" lost the ice in just one day! It's still a little windy and the ground is cold, but who cares, it's finally spring!!!